Healing Grief

The Grief Recovery Method (GRM) defines the broad extent of grief and how common it is.

Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to change or loss of any kind: death, divorce, moving, financial changes, health changes, relationship changes … the list goes on. Grief is also the result of unmet hopes, dreams and expectations, and the loss of intangible concepts such as safety, trust, security, respect, faith and hope.  Grief is universal.  All of us have experienced grief throughout our lives, as a result of many changes and losses.  But we are not well prepared to really handle, manage or recover from the emotional impacts which result from these changes and losses.

The GRM asks why we are so ill prepared to recover from our grief when it’s so universal and a normal and natural response.

Just as our grief is universal, the ineffective ways of dealing with it are also pretty universal.  Often the way we manage our grief is the same, or similar to, the ways in which our parents and other key figures in our lives have managed their own grief, sometimes over many generations.  In addition to parents and key family members, we also learn ineffective tools for dealing with grief from other key adults in our lives as we are growing up, from teachers, members of the clergy, coaches and counsellors, even from the media, TV and music personalities. 

Grief is an emotional response, yet often we try to ease our grief by using intellectual tools: we try to ‘figure it out’, ‘solve’ it or ‘understand’ it.  If we were asked to paint a room with a hammer and a screw-driver we would be unable to accomplish the task. In the same way, we are unable to recover from grief with inappropriate tools.  Given a paint-brush, paint and a drop-cloth, we could indeed paint a room.  Given the proper emotional tools, we can also achieve recovery from our grief.  That’s what the Grief Recovery Method provides – the appropriate emotional tools for doing this work. 

How does the Grief Recovery Method help achieve Recovery?

The GRM is just that – a method, a step-by-step process, an ‘action program’ for unlocking and respecting the emotional experience of our grief, both the immediate or presenting grief issues, and those that may have been holding us captive for years.  Often, the most recent or presenting loss is actually made more difficult by related experiences from our past which were not recognised or addressed at the time, adding weight to the current loss.

Through a defined step-by-step process, the GRM first explores the old and ineffective tools we’ve been using in the belief that it’s hard to learn how to use new tools if we don’t understand why the old ones might not have been effective.  Then the process shifts to the introduction of new tools, which can be used across a wide gamut of losses, from persons to pets, to hopes, dreams and expectations, to those intangible things like trust, safety or faith.  At every step the griever is respected, listened to and heard without judgement or analysis and is supported in identifying and giving voice to the array of emotions that accompany the full extent of the loss.  Once the GRM process is completed for one loss, it can be used over and over again to address other past losses and to help more quickly address new losses. 

What is the GRM process like and how is it different from other grief support programs?

.  The GRM is an action-based program that involves reading and writing assignments as outlined in The Grief Recovery Handbook. The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce and Other Losses.

.  The GRM has been shared for over 40 years, on six of seven continents, with the book having been translated into over 20 languages over those years.

.  The GRM is a time-limited program, with a set number of sessions, depending on whether one is working the program alone or in a group.  If done in the group format, it is not a ‘drop-in’ group, meaning that those who participate are there throughout the entire program to help build a sense of safety and trust. 

.  The GRM is facilitated by a Grief Recovery Specialist, certified by the Grief Recovery Institute.  These Specialists are trained to deliver the GRM and have experience in working with a variety of types of loss and with people from all walks of life.  Each Specialist has a deep desire to help grieving people. 

.  The GRM is an evidence-based program, having documented statistically significant improvements in grievers’ knowledge, attitudes and behaviours related to grief.  More information about the research can be found at https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/evidence-based.